The Suffering Christ

It has been a rough couple of weeks. Student and school wise, things have been going well. However, there has been a lot of suffering around Benque for the past week and a half.

Last week a first form student came into my office crying. She told me that she had lost her Nanny. The young woman was 23 and died in childbirth along with the baby. Please pray for her: Gloria is the name of the young woman that passed away. A few days later we found out about a former student, Kristy, that died. The students and many teachers (including myself) saw her at a soccer game earlier that day. It was very eerie and it has been a terrible tragedy. Her mother is absolutely beside herself with grief. It is heart-wrenching to hear her mother cry. I did not know Kristy, but many of my students did. At least three of the girls in my music class were very close friends with her. Following her death, there have been other incidents that have occurred due to distress.

There is also another one of my students (that we will just call "C" for now) who lost her grandmother last night. She was completely devastated. Her whole family was outside sobbing and holding each other (they live next door to our house). I am sharing this with all of you so that you can lift up Gloria (and my student "Z"), Kristy and her mother/family and friends, and C and her grandmother in your prayers.

Over the past week or so, I have realized that though it is difficult to be thrown into this suffering with the community, I find love/compassion among the sorrow because I am able to minister to my students even in the pain. All I could think over the weekend after I attended the funeral for Kristy was: I will walk through the darkness with you (my students), holding on to you. I will hold you up, I am not afraid to walk through the pain with you. But we will not walk alone. We are with Mary and Jesus and we are not just walking into an endless darkness. We are walking toward a light and I will keep walking with you until we get there.

I realize one of the greatest beauties of my faith is its depth and its understanding of the suffering of humanity. I have recently felt a great presence of Christ and His mother as they walked through Calvary. I could picture the "Pieta" (Mary holding Christ after He has been taken down from the Cross) as Kristy's mother cried out in the cemetery. In Christianity, we do not run from suffering. Our God does not tell us to buck up and get over it. We are not to drown ourselves in gold and wine and sex in order to numb us to the pain of death and loss and ache. Neither is he apathetic or bubblegum sweet "everything's fine, she's not on earth anymore". Yes, we do find joy in the hope of Heaven, however, Jesus understands the great pain in loss. When Lazarus died Jesus did not say "Mary and Martha, don't worry, he's in heaven." Instead scripture tells us:

"Jesus saw her [Mary] weeping, and he saw how the people with her were weeping also; his heart was touched and he was deeply moved. 'Where have you laid him?' he asked.
'Come and see, Lord,' they replied. Jesus wept." (John 11:33-35)

Christ descends into the pain with us. So much so, that He dies, willing to experience the suffering of death and the penalty for sin and evil. His mother is not shielded from this sorrow, but instead stands by Him with a love more loyal and fierce than we can ever imagine, beneath the foot of the cross as she watches her precious Son die. Yet, Christ does not leave us here at the tomb. Ultimately, He does bring us to the light. He does conquer the ugliness of death. He puts evil to shame. He rises from the dead and brings us hope. So Christ holds us in the pain, but He always leads us to hope. Praise God for His beautiful and "scandalous" love (as Dr. Martin says). By "scandalous" Dr. Martin means that God did not wish to come among us in full majesty and cleanliness, devoid of the dirt and grime of life. God choose instead to take on human form and trudge through the struggles and joys of life on earth so to give us a Way to follow. What other God do you know that loves this way?!

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Something that is very interesting about the culture here in Belize is that they mourn with great intensity. It is a stark contrast to the United States' method of privacy and dare I say supression/repression. It can be rather disturbing at first, because the women will openly weep, scream, and sob. However, I quickly realized that this is an extremely healthy way to mourn. They get it all out, they are free to express their sorrow. And they are not alone. The entire community in Benque knows and many come to support each other when someone dies. They keep vigil all night and into the morning. They have the wake at their house and the whole community is invited, many coming throughout the night.

A teacher came up to me and expressed her concern for the teenagers here in Benque. She said they that are going through a lot right now and unfortunately, many are looking in the wrong places to escape their struggles. Please pray for the youth of Benque also. We are going to fast tomorrow (Thursday) if you are interested. Being able to unite in this way is very powerful. If not tomorrow, any fast (large or small) would be very appreciated.

God Bless you.

Thick Glasses Equal Teacher Power

School has begun and I've lost my voice. I have thoroughly enjoyed this week of school, although I am still getting adjusted to the pace. I had a very relaxing Christmas break and it is exciting and tiring to be back the busy flow here.

My music classes this week went very well overall. I am so grateful and happy about this. I am starting to feel more like a music teacher and less like "I'm-scrambling-to-adjust-to-your-culture-and-to-teaching-you-how-to-sing". I am ready to do that extra act that will help me become more organized and a more efficient teacher. Of course, I still have a lot to learn but I can already see some good changes. Both the girls and boys classes sounded wonderful today. I was so proud as they were belting out those hymns!

I brought my stylish, thick, black glasses down to Belize with me this time. I was hoping they would help me look more intimidating and I do feel "in control" when I'm dressed more professionally. The thing is, the kids like the glasses more than I wanted them to. I was hoping I would scare them, but instead I have them raising their hands over and over going "Miss, where are your glasses today? Miss, where are your glasses today?" "Miss! I like your shades." Oh well. I tried. At least I feel more like a teacher in my black slacks, heels (yes, I brought heels! Fun!), and button down.

I can also say that I am falling in love with the students here. It was happening a little last semester but I've definitely noticed it this semester. It is difficult to explain in words or over a blog. I can say that I am grateful for having the opportunity to get to know these kids and spend time with them. They really are beautiful and full of energy and life.

That's all for now. TGIF ;)

Oops.

I forgot my computer charger at home.

A typical day in the life

5:00am: Rooster(s) crowing loudly
5:15am: Me thinking about shooting a rooster
5:30am: I fall back asleep
7:00am: I actually wake up

I groggily throw the covers over my head as a few girls bustle in and out of the bathroom, getting ready for the day. Some are brave enough to take a cold morning shower but often I can only bring myself to stick my hair under the faucet (and end up taking showering in the afternoons or evenings). I try and find a suitable teacher outfit and usually have to steal a slip from B across the hall (she is very generous). Half of the girls are already downstairs grabbing some coffee or going to the rectory for a quick breakfast. I am in the second shift of girls and usually miss breakfast.

7:30
Uh oh. I need to dry my hair FAST.

7:45
I need to leave but I'm not ready yet.

7:50
Leaving.
We walk to school---down the clay road, and up the main road then across the basketball court and up another road. We take a right, and the school is on our left.

8:00
Sign-in to the attendance log, slip through the teacher's lounge, thank God that I have my own office and race up the stairs. I open my office grab the key for the chapel and open up the chapel. As I travel the campus and climb the stairs there are "Morning", "Morning, Miss," "Good morning". When I get up to the second floor the first form girls cry out "Good morning, tia!" (Good morning aunt). I reply, "Good morning mis sobrinas!" and they usually giggle at my Spanish-attempt.

8:30-9:30



Plan out the week:
-Figure out which homeroom is doing Mass on Friday and print out a sign-up sheet and readings for the class.
-Print out adoration schedule for teacher's lounge
-Remind teachers that have adoration today of the time
-Go to the teacher's classroom at the adoration time to remind them
-Figure out which class is schedule for confession after Mass on Friday
-Get adoration meditation stuff together
-Go over notes for teaching Sacraments class this afternoon

9:30-11:30
(Adoration scheduled throughout the day)

Learn song on guitar or pick out songs that the students can sing with me
Pick some good songs from my laptop to play for them
Read reflection or make one myself based on Sunday's readings
Have them write down petitions/reflections/or have silent prayer




11:40
Lunch (YES!)

Go to the rectory (hopefully with other volunteers) and eat some salad, chicken, rice and beans, and maybe freshly baked bread or tortillas. Sip some instant coffee with cinnamon and sugar (be careful with the cinnamon though because if you hit it too hard it will pour out!)

12:10-1:00

Tie up loose ends. If there is a retreat on Friday, make sure we get in a meeting and remind speakers/participants. Print out and pass out retreat invitations to kids. Make a checklist of things to bring on the retreat so I don't forget. Activities for retreat????

Scan over music for class (if it is Tuesday or Friday) and play on piano. Remind myself to give Jugs if I need to.

A student might come in at some point in the day to chat about anything from Justine Bieber to serious family issues or school problems. This is when I get to grow closer to students and begin to understand their struggles.

1:00pm
Music class with boys. Are they angels today or crazies? One student loves Lady Gaga and shows me a picture of her after prefacing it with "Want to see my girlfriend?" We pray for Lady Gaga's conversion. Boys touch the keyboard and I threaten with a JUG (detention type thing) after school. I count seconds and keep them after class for that many seconds.



1:10pm
"W, sit down!" "R, stop touching the keys!" "Ro pay attention. Stand up! Everyone needs to be standing with their feet shoulder width apart!"
"Miss, I don't like this song."
"Me either. Let's sing that other one."
"The piano is out again."
"Can you check the chord?"
"Ro, you are standing on the chord."
"Look, if I hold it, it stays on."
"Then you can hold it I guess."

1:20pm
Singing. They sound pretty good. Aw, they're so cute. This is so great they are singing and it's wonderful and...

"Iz, why are you at the window? You need to be standing over here."
(Shoots me a grin). W stands on a chair.
"W, get off the chair." (He gets off)
(Grins)
"Boys, we need to be practicing!" (Mentally tell myself I need to be more strict) "Boys, do you want me to send you to Miss M [the dean]?"
"Noooo."
"Good. Pay attention and stop being ridiculous."

1:40pm
"LaaaAAaaa-laaaa-laaAAAaaaa-laaa-laaaa"
(Random boy from a different elective class walks in)
"Why are you here?" -Me
"I got kicked out of my class."
"Well, why do you think you can come in here?"
"Uh..."
"Okay. Goodbye! Everyone wave bye!!"
"Byeee" - the boys in class
(Random student leaves).



1:50pm
Bell rings.

"Wait boys, we have 2minutes and 32s seconds of silence."

1:51pm
Silence. (Or if someone talks we add on seconds)

1:52.5
"Alright, get out of here. "

I have also recently adopted the "kick-them-out-of-class-if-they-are-over-the-top" mentality and will be using that much more frequently next semester.

K and W grab the piano and help me bring it up to the second floor for the girls class in classroom 2C.

2:00pm

"Ladies! LADIES! Class is starting!"
Girls trickle in. (Remind myself to be more strict)
"We are going to pray now!"
We say prayer.

2:05pm



"Miss, which song are we doing today? Do we have a quiz?"

I might end up teaching music theory if I did it with the boys. On those days we do half music theory and half singing. Let's pretend I was teaching theory.

2:10pm

"So which note is this?"
"A half note."
"Good. What is this?"
"A time signature."
"Good. Which note is this?"
"A whole note."
"No, I mean which note as in the letter of the note."
"A!"
"No..."
"C!"
"No..."
"D!"
"No..."
"E!"
"No...look at your notes! Remember the lines?"
"...G!"
"Yes! Good. You all need to look at your notes though."

2:25pm
Start singing. The girls sound pretty good.

"Good!"
About five girls are starting to chat and are trying to slip away from the group.
"Girls, you need to be SINGING."
They barely move their mouths.
Sigh.

2:35pm
We are trying to do two-part harmony and we are almost there but not quite. We repeat.

2:40pm
The announcements cut in.
"GooOOOod AfternOOooon. Please listen for today's anounncements."
Of course we can barely hear anything because the speaker in this room is remarkably quiet and the girls are remarkably chatty.
"Girls, quiet down so we can hear the announcements."
Bell rings. Cheers heard throughout the school.

3:00pm
Sacraments class if it is Monday in my office otherwise, talking with students or just relaxing.

3:45pm
Hang out with students after school or relax. If it is Thursday we have a staff meeting.

5:00pm
I'm hungry.

5:30pm
"Anyone want to go to dinner?" A few of us walk to the rectory for dinner.

6:30pm
I either chat with volunteers or head over to adoration.

7:00pm
Mass

8:00pm
Go home! Yay!

8:30
Hanging out at our house. Some people are grading or venting or just talking.

9:30-10:pm
Sleep.
:)

The town where we live

"Our senses themselves are dumb. They take in experience, but they need the richness of sitting for a while through our consciousness and through our whole bodies...Maybe Away from Paris I could write about Paris as in Paris I can write about Michigan."

-Writing Down the Bones

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The Beauty of Belize
Part I

I was greatly inspired after watching the movie "The Human Experience" this Christmas weekend (I highly recommend it---it is now on DVD). It follows a few different young men as they travel the world to better understand the unity between all human persons, the beauty of life, suffering of life, and the purpose of life. As I was watching this movie with my family this evening, I was moved to write about Belize. I would like to reflect on the beauty of Belize, its culture, and people in a few different posts while I am home.

When first arriving in Belize, immediately I noticed the green palm trees that were absolutely everywhere. It was gorgeous! The greens were lush and the landscape was unlike anything I had ever seen. We were in a whirlwind through Belize, squeezed into a white van and bumping through the rural landscapes. I saw cows, sheep, more palm trees, simple colorful houses, dirt roads, people on the side of the road waiting for buses, and fruit stands. My favorite part of the drive through Belize came up as we were suddenly confronted by incredible mountains and hills. Sheep were grazing and hill after hill was rolling. It reminded me of the Gospels when Jesus would sit upon green hills and preach the Beatitudes or parables. I imagined myself sitting upon a summit, pondering life and praying. It was stunning. In between the views, new and old volunteers told stories and reminisced or described families. I noticed, to my discomfort, that seat belts were not a primary concern in this van but was again distracted by the scenery and new faces.





Benque, the town where we live, is simple and lovely because it has found its way into our hearts. The streets are made of a white and grayish clay that is quite fluffy beneath ones sandals. However, it is a dangerous path after rain. I can vividly recall five of us girls walking to the school on a weekend after it had rained. I remember a girl up ahead of me saying, "Should we go a different way?" and three of us agreed that we were fine. About one minute later I felt a little heavier but ignored it. About a minute and a half later I noticed that my sandals were sticking to the clay. Two minutes past and I find that my sandals are becoming quite heavy as I call out, "Girls, I'm having trouble walking,". When I look up, I notice that some girls have taken off their flip-flops or have walked to the side of the road. I am now "the one that fell behind" as I stare down at my flip-flops that have assumed a shape like two clay boats. It reminded me of those boat shoes that Da Vinci is wearing in "Ever After" when Drew Barrymore is floating on her back in that river. After quite a bit of struggle, we trampled over into a man's yard who had turned on his water to help us out. He must have chuckled when he saw a bunch of "gringas" with shoes eaten by clay and our legs and feet covered in the grey road. We stuck our feet and flip flops under the faucet. He was a wonderful, kind, older gentleman that rescued us from the "quick sand" of our own road.

An Appeal to Generosity

Greetings from Rhode Island!

I have returned stateside (I just recently learned this phrase and I like it) and am enjoying the little luxuries of home, the comfort of family, and the laughter that comes with seeing much-missed-friends! However, I have also found myself in need of funds in order to return to Belize next semester. I was made aware of this a few weeks before the end of the semester. It was a bit of a blow but I thought and prayed about it for a while. I was strongly considering staying home this semester and getting a job because of the lack of money even though I hated the idea of leaving these kids half way through the year. Fr. M (the priest in charge of the volunteers) told me that he wants me to come back and to assume I'm coming back.

Fr. M along with Mr. R (principal) want to fund-raise for me. However, I would still like to ask you all if you are able to give to please email me at bdeacutis@gmail.com because any amount will help to lighten their load. Honestly, any amount is helpful from $5, $10, $20...anything! I know it is so difficult right now with money (economy, holidays, etc.) and that is why I have waited a few weeks before asking. Please keep me in your prayers and thank you for your support!!

-Bethany

Survival

I survived the 1st form boys retreat.

Actually, the retreat went very well---much better than anticipated. When I passed out the retreat invitations on Wednesday I felt like I was in a jungle: hands and arms flying from every angle and waving in front of my face, wildly grasping for the pieces of paper in my hand. I believed this to be a foreshadowing of the retreat.

The theme was the same as the 2nd form boys retreat: “Be Not Afraid”. We set up stations this time because there were 73 boys (!) and Fr. Mark suggested the idea to make it easier to contain them all. Two stations had teachers giving talks and the third station was futbol (soccer). My group was terrible for the first talk but by the third station (last talk) they were great. We had time for anonymous questions and they asked some really great ones. Most of them consisted of questions about love, girls, and sex. The boys were wonderfully quiet during adoration and Mass. The two most beautiful part of the day was that boys were going to confession throughout the entire two hours it was available. One student would be coming back from it and the next one was walking out. At communion, almost all of the students received (normally only half or less do). It was awesome to see these guys receiving the sacraments!

It must have been all the prayers =)

Here are some pictures from the first form girl's retreat the week before:

Miss Betsy

The Panel (Miss Katie, Me, Mr. Tom, Miss Betsy)


Students outside of the retreat center