To Love at All

The students here continue to amaze me and grow on my heart. This week was different from the usual because Harry, the guy who is the main Adoration person (he prepares meditations and songs, brings out the monstrance) has been sick. That meant that I was to take over adoration. It was a last minute thing on Monday so I just looked through meditations I had prepared and ended up using something that was totally different (haha isn’t that how it seems to happen?). I read through Luke where Mary says yes to the Angel Gabriel and was struck by the line “for nothing is impossible with God” especially because that is one of the few songs that I had prepared. It is a beautiful, simple, Spanish song called “Nada es imposible para ti”. I had heard it before but was reminded of it this summer when I was listening to the World Youth Day soundtrack from Toronto, which I had attended in 2002. The song really struck me and was especially moving when I looked up the lyrics:

“Porque tengo miedo
Si nada es imposible para ti? repeat
Porque tengo tristeza
Si nada es imposible para ti? (repeat)
Porque tengo dudas
Si nada es imposible para ti ?(repeat)
Ensename amar porque nada es imposible para ti
Ensename a perdonar porque nada es imposible para ti”

Which is translated:
“Why do I have fear (Why am I afraid)
If nothing is impossible for You?
Why do I have sadness
If nothing is impossible for You?
Why do I have doubts
If nothing is impossible for You?
Teach me to love, because nothing is impossible for You
Teach me to forgive, because nothing is impossible for You.”

I played this for all the classes that came to adoration during the week. The song seemed to have moved some people which is so beautiful and such a blessing. Some of the girls were tearing up after the song and another girl came to my office to get the lyrics. The song itself is really beautiful but I think the fact that it is in Spanish was very helpful as well. Though they speak Spanish and English, Spanish seems to be the language that is closest to their hearts. Normally we try to have them speaking in English as much as possible in the school but with songs we have some freedom with language. It was so moving to be playing this song for them when I was spending time practicing it at home this summer hoping to play it for these students someday! Wow.

I was also able to substitute for my friend, Dave. I showed “Theology of the Body” by Christopher West to his fourth form (seniors) class. It was really wonderful to be able to dialogue with the students in between segments and get their feedback. One young man didn’t really understand what Christopher West was trying to say and when I broke it down for him he became much more interested and even moved up closer to my laptop to hear the lecture better!

One of the female students came up to me after class to talk a little. She seems very bright and followed the lectures well. She was talking to me about love and said something like, “Love is so hard because we can give ourselves to someone and then they hurt us. I gave myself to someone (not my body) but my heart and emotions, and he hurt me in a way I never thought he would.” How true is her statement. I have been there many times as most of us have and I told her a couple of quotes that have always stayed with me. One of them is by C.S. Lewis and it begins “To love at all is to be vulnerable” and he speaks about the danger in love:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

The other quote I told her is by Mother Teresa: “I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

As I am telling her these words, I realize that I myself need to be constantly reminded of them. Too often it is easiest for us to curl up if we are hurt after trying to love or to retreat into our shells. Yet, in reality, we must keep loving. I told her of course that if someone is really hurting her that we are not required to continue to speak to them or get beat up by them (whatever the situation may be) but we are called to pray for them and ask God to help us stay away from hatred and bitterness. It is a truly wonderful thing to being to help a student and realize that he/she is teaching me at the same time.